The Bad Vacation

At its heart, The Cottagers is the story of a vacation gone terribly, terribly wrong.  Two couples set out for a peaceful spot, to recharge and unwind, but they've picked the wrong town and the wrong week and they run into the wrong local kid.  It's just these little things, these random decisions that taken together turn the good vacation bad.

In many ways, vacations are a fragile thing, prone to being ruined.  It takes so little to wreck the best laid plans.  And while, thankfully, few of us have had vacations as bad as the cottagers', most of us have likely had a vacation run off the rails.  A wayward sip of tap water can send the whole thing down the drain.  An impolitic or drunken tour guide can leave one, quite literally, stranded.  Broken down rental cars, monorails, theme park rides, and golf carts can jar one out of blissful relaxation.  Sticky fingered hotel staff and roving pickpockets can turn you into one of those poor saps from the credit card commercials making desperate phone calls to get hard-earned funds replenished.  Missed trains, missed planes, and luggage fiascoes have been the bane of many a holiday.  On some vacations, one's haggling skills are put to the test, on others, you just shell out the dough for the "all inclusive" package and hope for the best.  Poorly timed vacations can lead to run ins with Spring Breakers or overwhelming crowds at the Louvre.  Sometimes, something as minor as a steady, persistent rain can throw off the delicate balance of fun and relaxation that all vacations seek out.

Funny thing about bad vacations, though, they make for really good stories, whether in book-length form, as in The Cottagers or just as a tale to tell to friends upon returning home, as memorable as Big Ben or the Pyramids or the Great Wall of China.  And so, as part of Cottagers week, we'd like you to share your bad vacation stories in the comments of this post.  A lucky winner will be randomly selected from among the entrants to win their very own copy of The Cottagers.

And look out for "bad vacation" stories from LBC members coming throughout the day.

Comments

[Valerie Trueblood]

I recommend Beryl Bainbridge's short story "The Man Who Blew Away" (in the collection MUM AND MR. ARMITAGE, McGraw Hill, l985). It's a masterwork on the ghastly getaway. A married Englishman sneaks off to Corfu for a tryst and suffers (or imagines) everything from snakebite to the worst taxi ride in fiction and finally--well, the title says it all.

[bookbabie]

When my husband and I went to CA in March, we planned the last few days of our road trip to be in Napa so that my wine loving hubby could immerse himself in the land of cabs and chards. Unfortunately, we stopped at Pebble Beach on the way and devoured some overpriced lobster salad that had a little extra kick to it (i.e. salmonella or a closely related cousin). We limped through those remaining days of our trip with tummy aches that had nothing to do with the over consumption of California's wonderful vino:(

[amcorrea]

Four restless children under the age of 7, two teenage cousins, and two very harried parents in a motorhome...stranded near Bakersfield, California...in the middle of summer...in the middle of the afternoon...the policeman who promised help never came back...

We were finally rescued by a Mexican farmer who siphoned gas into our tank using a garden hose and his mouth. All he would accept in return was a root beer.

[Hila]

my vacation summer 2006 I went to the states for my yearly visit. I call it the vacation from Hell. It started when the man next to me waiting for the same plane who seemed quite nervous was taken away in handcuffs. After only just arriving on the plane they were calling out my name. i thought oh no they think I am friends with the criminal. Next thing you know there is a flight attendant standing in front of me holding what looks like my passport. Uke had bought this fancy leather thing to put it in so I wouldn't lose it. I was then saying why does that man have my passport. I had it zipped in my wallet. But yes, he says it was sailing or flying through the plane. All I could think of is the criminal was opening my wallet and it got out ???????? I recovered it . I think he must have been trying to lift it while i was reading, I swear someone could take my clothes off while I am reading. I then slammed my fingers in the door of the bathroom on the plane, why I have no idea.
I arrived in New York with my new suitcase which was supposed to be bulletproof, and indestructible. This suitcase never met my sister!!!! My sister put it in her trunk and then put the trunk down on it in some way that she put a huge crack in it. Then we went to see off my nephew who was going to Las Vegas. My sister, no did not apologize for ruining my new suitcase. My nephew somehow talked me into loaning him $300 to gamble with the idea if he won I would get some of the profits. Well to jump ahead he did not win and I never got one cent of the money back. he I guess thought it was a gift????? I contacted the suticase travel company telling them the suitcase cracked for no reason at all. They agreed to send a replacment to St.Thomas. Its important to remember this for more suticases get involved. I now have to return the old one and have a $120 bill on my Amex card. I have only just started my vacation and have managed to be out $420! My sister has told me ahead of time we are going to her place in New Hampshire for 3 days . This widens into 5 and we drive back at 3am so she can go to work. I then have to take the long Island railroad in the pouring rain to Penn Station. My sister has given me the wrong subway to take but I managed to find my way anyway. She has not given me a key so I am virtually trapped in the house after my nephew comes home to change his clothes for work after taking the red eye back from Las vegas. There is no food in the house and I can't go anywhere. We are to go to the theater that night. She comes home late from her job with about 4 minutes to spare to eat a slice of pizza before getting on the subway. The show was good though after all that, how I stayed awake is beyond me. We saw "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels".
I left the day after to go to Rochester . My sister informs me that she cannot take me to the airport for the cleaning lady is coming. So I take a $50 car service to the airport and ask myself will my sister ever change? We also had a huge fight in the car coming back from new Hampshire. She started it by saying she wouldn't change her trip plans if someone got sick. I had been harboring a resentment against her for the day I had my cancer surgery she went on vacation 15 years ago. She said to me well you are still alive aren't you? How do you feel about that? Would you go ahead with trip plans if a family member became ill or a dear friend?
I got to Rochester but my indestructible suitcase courtesy of Jet Blue now had a hole as big as my head in it. I couldn't very well complain for it had duct tape on it from my sister.I then had to call the suitcase company again and tell them I was having the replacement suticase in St.thomas sent back for it is not a well made suitcase. when I originally got it the man said an elephant sat on it to test it, it must have been an anorexic one! I then called Uke and told him to send the other one back. I now ordered another one for an additional $200. I got an eagle creek duffle bag type suitcase guaranteed for life. At the airport the red cap from Jet blue said you must have a lot of money. I didn't get this until I went on the internet to research my suitcase that got destroyed and found out it was given in the oscar package to this years winners!!! I hope they didn't fly on a commercial plane with it!
i get to my friends and everyone is being kind of quiet. I find out her son has just come out as being gay. My friend has just had and eye operation so when we go out fo pick fresh berries she doesn't notice that the bushes are surrounded with poison ivy and so we are both covered with that. Boy does that stuff itch awful and calamine lotion is a waste of time. Then on top of ,that I lose my voice and get bronchitis.
We were supposed to go to Penn. where we always go and we had to cancel due to my friends inability to drive. No one trusts me to drive since we drive on the left here. I call the hotel to cancel. its a small family operated place and the people are more like are relatives. Lois sounds kind of distressed. i apolgize for are inability to visit and say my friend is not up to it. She says that her and Milt ( the husband) have been having a hard time also. I of course ask why and she tells me her son Craig ( who is about 38) has died of a heart attack. She then starts crying and of course so do I. After that I don't think anything that has happened to me is so terrible.
I got a clean bill of health for my annual cancer checkup so that also is good news.it rains a lot in Rochester but what else is new there?
My girlfriends 21 year old convinces me to do the "bar scene with her. I am out till 3:30 am . I find out that that scene has not changed in 40 years. In one place they ask to see my card. I say my AARp one? they are trying to be funny for I am the oldest person in there. It was funny sort of. One guy all he said was DEFINITELY. To every question. One guy who must have been very drunk started dirty dancing with me I ended that fast.
I came back to New York for my sister promised me we would spend quality time together. Well you know this is not going to turn out well. She invites my great niece who I have never met. She is a well developed 12 year old . We go to Fire Island since a friend of my sister helps run the ferry. It rains all day and the water is like ice. Othewise it was an Ok day. We go shopping the next day and buy her about $200 worth of clothes . She seems fairly appreciative. i then try and help my sister get online to her job. i realize my computer skills might not be the best but when my niece whose name is jessica tries to interfere well it just sets me off and we have a fight and she slams the door and uses some bad language. My sister tells me I am acting mean. My niece has now laid down on her bed full of sand so she doesn't go any further with my bad behavior.
Now it gets interesting. The neighbor across the street who used to be a lesbian had adopted a boy who is now 16. In the meantime she has gotten two eggs and met a man and gotten sperm. She gets two girls fraternal twins. She raises them like boys, boy clothes, boy haircuts and to be honest they act like boys. the step brother while he is 13 sodomizes them and gets sent away. Eric is now home and guess who likes him? My great niece. I am totally against them even talking but my sister about this time has gotten tired of her social work project for she has invited 10 people over for supper the next night. However , who does the cooking? Me of course! We shop till 11pm and then I cook until 3am. I have told my sister that i cannot be responsible to take Jessie back to the airport and go through security with her for this is what you have to do now with anyone under 16 I think. My youngest nephew has come home from Georgetown this weekend to see me. He has worked 72 hours to come home. She gets him to take us to the airport and yes he gets lost. He therefore cannot go inside, and park the car ,so I end up doing what i never wanted to do. I have to bribe those people with the carts to get us to the gate to find out she might be put on standby. This is after I get checked over like I am osma bin laden. I say no she has to get on this plane for i have to get on my plane. I even involve the pilot. Finally she does get on the plane. i get on my plane and get home. At that time in the airport if my sister had been there i would have punched her in the nose.
I did make it home even though my plane was delayed in Pureto Rico.I did get a credit for the suitcases and no I did not get money back from my nephew. My two rolls of film which I send to the states for processing seem to be lost. Why of course they are !!!! No i do not have a digital camera and if it was up to me I would use a donkey for transportation.
Otherwise everything here is fine. This is my last year of work and I have no idea what I will be doing after that . Relaxing and trying to do some of the things you guys did.
I hope this wasn't to overwhelming for you. I can now look at it and laugh. One thing it was not a dull vacation.
Love Hila
I forgot while in Rochester at the Barnes and Noble I was stalked by a midget in a wheelchair, I went down one aisle and he did also. I wished he would have talked to me for then I could have shared that 1,000 calorie brownie I ate while in barnes and Noble.

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[discount vacation]

It is really a bad vacation. I hope it won't happen again.

-peter

[Boracay Beach Resort]

The last time I had what you might call a " Bad Vacation " was when I was a junior in college. I was out at sea with my girlfriend when a very strong wind blew the boat we were on out of course. Thankfully though we were rescued after the wind was gone.

[Boracay Accomodation]

I always consider all of my vacations as good ones not, haven't regretted taking one of them.

[Emergency Plumbing Liverpool]

I'll probably consider my vacation last year as the worst vacation that I had because of all the bad luck that I have experienced.

[Kindle]

I consider last year's vacation as a complete disaster because from the start it wasn't really that much fun.

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